Seriously. Who do you think you are? Have you given that much thought lately? Well I have – and the results are kind of scary. Who I am is: Not worthy enough, qualified enough, smart enough, thin enough, pretty enough, organized enough, and not enough as a mom…So really what IS enough??
It seems that I have given so much of my own power away. My Power! Away! And to whom have I given it you might ask? Well that’s a good question. I don’t know for certain, but I think it’s basically gone to popular culture; to people I don’t know (even strangers on the street); but also to people I love and care about. I have always been a hard-core people pleaser. I want you to like me. But it’s silly because as a hard-core people pleaser, it kind of means that you have a bunch of personalities and whimsical opinions based upon whose company you are in the presence of at any given moment. So when I ask myself the question “who do I think I am”, I am sadly not 100% sure. Maybe that’s why it seems like I have always had such a hard time really defining my own passion. What am I really about? What do I stand for? What are my values? What do I truly like? What am I good at? And more importantly, who would I be if I didn’t care what others thought? I want to know.
I recently picked up Brene Brown’s book “Daring Greatly”. It’s awesome. For those of you who are not familiar with her work, this book is about her research on Shame and about having the courage to be Vulnerable. The book is filled with wisdom but can be summarized by this idea: “Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you”. Wow. Having the courage to be vulnerable means SHOWING UP. It means exposing the parts of yourself that you are uncomfortable with OR parts of yourself that popular culture states you SHOULD be uncomfortable with. Ouch! Brown notes twelve ‘shame categories’ that are a primary trigger for women. See how these categories resonate with you:
· Appearance and body image
· Money and work
· Mental and physical health
· Surviving trauma
· Being stereotyped or labeled
For as long as I have this blog, I have always been very conscious about what I wrote. Putting the written word down for the world to (possibly) see is a little scary: It’s exposure - it's VULNERABILITY - since a lot of the content is personal. And I just don't do 'vulnerable' very well (remember; I want you to like to me). So I again ask myself the question “who do you think you are?” as it relates to my blog. I am not a nutritionist; didn’t earn a Red Seal; don’t have an English degree; “ONLY” have one child (therefore I am no parenting expert, am I??); on and on. So what business do I have writing a blog? Also, I am just not sure that I have anything particularly unique to say or post that someone out there isn’t already doing. Does the world really need ANOTHER revised recipe for a muffin or granola?? Does the world really need another blog? Probably not…
But here's the thing...I get some pleasure from writing and at least for the time being, I am not quite ready to shut my blog down. So for now I plan to use the blog as a bit of my own vulnerability work. We’ll see where it goes.
So; Who do you think you are, Stacy? (loaded question) I shall start here: I think I am creative; funny; good with people; silly; fit; a (health) foodie; interested in Spanish language and culture; the best mom I can be to Maya; the best wife I can be to my husband. Let’s start there.
Oh, and go read Brene Brown’s book. You’ll be glad you did.