This used to happen every few months…feeling fat and in need of some emotional healing that for some reason I believe will be found in food. This leads to my version of ‘binging’ which is thankfully not that serious. There was a time in my life that the binge was more substantial and ended with making myself puke, but since I hate puking, that time in my life didn’t last too long. Anyway, the other day this binge started innocently enough as some pickles, a sliver of the crappy pizza in the fridge, couple of crackers and tuna on top, couple of pieces of beef jerky, couple of olives…nothing like a binge you’d see on a TLC show, but still. And it went on for the rest of the day basically.
On these “fat” days (as I am eating away) part of my thinking is that I really need to start some sort of diet or program. It’s like I temporarily forget all the unsuccessful attempts in the past, and totally disregard my own “diets don’t work” manifesto. (I have basically concluded that the poor mental state I exist in when dieting far outweighs any of the good that can be experienced by following a diet plan. I hate feeling restricted). But in these moments, it basically feels like a little Martian has overtaken my brain, as I frantically and relentlessly scour the internet and online book stores, blogs and such, researching diets plans and deciding which one is the “diet de jour”.
I start meal planning and even looking at my calendar trying to figure out how I can get out of a future engagement which will either challenge my willpower or put me in a situation where I will chose poorly. It eventually leads to a some sort of purchase (supplements, diet plan, book, etc) and then OF COURSE a trip to the grocery store in which I will likely purchase items that are deemed as “GOOD” for the plan. The “icing on the cake” (if you will) during this temporary loss of my brain is that since I will be starting a new diet soon, I can handle a few extra morsels or treats before I get going, allowing this binge to fester on.
But I understand this pattern of mine now and when these “fat” days do occur (even though I still think the same thoughts about needing to diet or start a new plan) I don’t act on them as often – the urge isn’t as strong. That’s mostly because I know what usually happens….within a day or two or a week, I go back to the same general eating patterns, which I should point out aren’t bad – they just aren’t super strict.
Sometimes, what’s good about a diet plan, is that all the overwhelming choices regarding what to eat are taken away. The plan tells you what to eat. It tells you what food is good and what is bad. But perhaps more confusing is which diet plan to follow. I mean who knows what plan is right for you? They all are equally convincing. SHOULD I try paleo or go to the other extreme as a vegan?? What about just gluten free or maybe dairy free? Maybe I should just do no grains after lunch. Hmmm that dukan diet sounds interesting. But no, I couldn’t give up red wine. I definitely need a plan that includes red wine. Ooooh, I should do that meal delivery service. Yeah, pay an arm and a leg to eat and still have to make a meal for my family. Right…not so good. What about intermittent fasting….On and On and On….
Here’s the crazy thing though. Every. Single. Time. Before starting a plan, I imagine it’s going to be different. THIS diet is going to be the ONE. The other day on my last “fat day”, I was thinking about starting this Keto diet I have heard about. I even paid $50 USD to buy an e-book about it. You can add that to my personal contribution to the weight loss industry. If you haven’t read my post about the sheer amount of money I have donated to it, here it is.
That's it for today friends. It's a professional day for M so we are going to get that chest x-ray out of the way!
Have a great Friday!