Thursday, January 28, 2016

Status Quo...

BLAH. That's how I have been feeling these days. I am currently struggling with what the next step looks like for me, whether it be work, going back to school or even some other type of volunteering. It's been pretty awesome not having to work, but there is definitely something missing for me and so it's inevitable that come September, things will be different. 

Pro's of "Status Quo"...

1) Life is definitely more balanced for both Scott & I. It's a good feeling; things are not so rushed. 

2) I have more time for myself (major bonus) and its been easier to schedule things like exercise into my day. Actually, this is probably the thing that most worries me about getting into a new schedule of any sort. I am so much happier when I am regularly working out and when I feel healthy and fit. I absolutely LOVE my Dailey Method workouts. They have done so much for me. I absolutely have to ensure I still have time and make time for this. The classes are offered all throughout the day, but I like being able to do them in the mornings because evenings are filled with helping my daughter do homework, taking her to activities, preparing dinner and cleaning up. You know how it is...

3) Not working has also been particularly helpful for my daughter Maya and that is required in dealing with her Juvenile Arthritis. This has included all her appointments: hospital, occupational therapists, physiotherapists, naturopaths, lab appointments for blood and urine, etc. It also has more recently included dealing with our insurance plan, drug companies, pharmacies, home care nurses, etc. 

This is not including the time required to administer medications, and all the other 'stuff' I do to help support her immune system like researching the disease itself and alternative methods to support her such as essential oils, infrared technology, probiotics, and FOOD! 

Ensuring Maya is eating healthy foods that support her immune system is key. This is actually another area that is super important to me. I now have more time to research recipes, shop for and prepare healthy food for myself and my family. This takes a lot of time - we all know that. Sometimes it means going to four different grocery stores to find the items I need for our family. Scott can't eat gluten or dairy, and Maya is off dairy but also a bit of a picky eater which means that I often have to visit various stores for ingredients, vitamins or other items. And just as often it means MAKING different meals. All major time suckers. 

4) I have been able to participate a lot in Maya's school by volunteering. As a parent of an only child, I don't want to have looked back and regretted missing anything. I feel like I have one shot. Having the time to participate at her school makes me feel good. I like seeing how she interacts with her classmates and knowing her teachers. Besides, she won't always want me to showing up at her school, so I am enjoying that now. 

5) Freedom: we have a few trips coming up throughout this year, and I don't have to ask for 'time off'. A week off in March, in June, and a couple of extended weekends all before I take three weeks off this summer. I really value this freedom. My husband has a career that allows him to take time off when he wants (for the most part), and has the ability to do work remotely for a period of time, so it would be hard if I had an inflexible schedule again. Right now the only thing that really 'ties us down' is Maya's school schedule. And I love being able to leave the city for three or four weeks during the summer. 

Con's of "Status Quo"...

1) I feel like something is missing from my life. A sense of purpose. 

2) I like having my own money. Even if it's not a lot, I like having and making my own. Like my husband has learned....His money is our money and my money is my money ;) 

3) As a stay-at-home mom, you sometimes feel more like a supporting actor, rather than the star of your own life. 

4) I feel that I need to model 'pursuing your passion' to my daughter. She will be encouraged made to go to University or College, to find a fulfilling career, to seek out her own passions and to find what makes her soul happy. I want her to see that mommy has a life outside the home too and that I'm good at x, y, z. I feel like I have been so caught up in years of mothering, wife-ing (LOL), responsibilities, obligations, and such that I have forgotten what I am good at and what makes me glow inside. Please don't misunderstand...I love my life and I am very grateful for my life, and I realize all this might make me sound a bit spoiled and entitled, but I don't see it that way at all. This is how I see it: 

“Don’t ask what the world needs, ask what makes you come alive and go do that, because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” ~Howard Thurman

I certainly don't have all the answers but I do know that if we all are involved with "work" (paid or unpaid) that makes our souls happy, the world would be a better place. I am working on figuring out for myself just what that looks like for me. And I wish this for all of you also. 

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